Written by Lindsey Chronert

A couple recently asked us, “How do we write our wedding vows?”

They were curious about the structure, length, and essential elements. We shared some thoughtful guidance. And on the day of the ceremony, I found myself with my hand over my heart, listening to every word of their expression of love. They nailed it.

Writing wedding vows is an intimate and powerful act of commitment. It’s a moment in in the wedding ceremony when you deeply connect with your partner and also share your love with your community.

While there's no one-size-fits-all approach, here’s a guide to help you prepare your vows so you can express your feelings authentically and from the heart.

How to Write Your Wedding Vows

CONNECT

Engage in a meaningful conversation with your partner about your vow exchange. This is not just about logistics but also aligning your intentions and expectations. We suggest starting this process about three months before your wedding date.

• Create a Shared Vision. Discuss what you hope to convey in your vows. Consider themes, tones, or values, and whether you want traditional elements or something unique.

• Set the Context. Agree on the length and structure of your vows. Decide whether you’ll share them privately or during the gathering. 

REFLECTION

Carve out some uninterrupted time to write down your thoughts, feelings and memories.  Reflect on your relationship.

• Reflect on your core values. What fundamental values bind you together?

• Remember the milestones. Think about the pivotal moments that have shaped your relationship--the celebrations and the challenges you’ve overcome together. What stories illustrate the depth of your connection and the resilience of your bond?

• Celebrate your partner. Reflect on why you have chosen this person to be your partner for life. What qualities do you admire in your partner?

DRAFT

Begin drafting your vows with authenticity and intentionality. Your vows should reflect your own voice, not the words of someone else.

• Open with love. Express why you love your partner and the significance of your relationship.

• Share a meaningful story. Include a personal story or memory that exemplifies your journey together.

• Make promises. Articulate your promises clearly. Ensure they reflect your commitment and aspirations.

• Look to the future. Speak about your hopes and dreams for your shared future.  

• Acknowledge your community. Recognize the support of your community.  

• Close with a Commitment. Conclude with a reaffirmation of your commitment.

FINE-TUNE

Refine your vows to ensure they are clear, meaningful, and resonant.

• Edit with Care. Review your vows and remove any unnecessary details.

• Practice with Presence. Read your vows aloud to ensure they flow well.

• Seek Feedback. Share your draft with a trusted friend or family member for feedback.

• Write them down. Hand write your vows neatly in a vow book or nice piece of paper. 

DELIVERY

Prepare for the delivery of your vows with intentionality and respect for the moment.

• Create a Sacred Space. Decide whether you’ll share your vows privately before the ceremony or during the gathering.

• Honor the Ritual. If you choose to share your vows during the ceremony, recognize the significance of this moment.

• Embrace the Moment. Whether in private or public, deliver your vows with authenticity and openness. Be vulnerable and present.

Your wedding vows are a profound expression of your love and commitment. Approach this task with intention and reflection to create a lasting testament to your partnership. By incorporating these principles, your vows will resonate deeply with both you and your partner.